My Own Worst Enemy

I am definitely my own worst enemy.  I am reminded often of an anime I have watched called XXXholic (no it's not a hentai, I have no idea what the XXX stands for).  There is a set of episodes based around one topic: words.  To paraphrase the main character:

"Words are alive.  Words form chains that bind us and can set the course of our future."

I believe this is true and I have often bound myself with the chains from my words.  A silly example of this is my art.  I love art: drawing, creating, painting, all of it.  I have stopped myself from doing it on more than a few occasions.  I haven't practiced my drawing in ages; I rarely pick up a pencil to sketch anything anymore.  The reason?  I'm afraid of failing at it.  I tell myself things like "you probably won't draw it well" or "it's going to be out of proportion like usual" or "it's not like it's going to get you anywhere.  It's pointless".  The few times that I've ignored my doubts, I end up failing at it because I'm both out of practice and I see the flaws in it, becoming irritated at myself.  Art isn't the only thing that I've stopped myself from doing, there are many other things. 

Some say that you should only think positive thoughts and say positive things.  However, positive words can bind as well and not only in positive ways.  You can tell yourself that whatever you do will be great, but that doesn't mean it actually will be.  After thinking positive, the letdown when it doesn't turn out great, can at times be harder than if you had expected to fail in the first place.  In a book series I have read, the main protagonist is the keeper of the demon of hope.  Most people would say that hope is good.  I believe it to be almost the opposite.  Hope can have it's benefits, but for the most part, it leads to letdown.

I am bipolar, so wanted or not, I've seen both sides, the purely positive thinking and the purely negative thinking.  Suffice to say, it's the positive thinking that has gotten me into more trouble and the outcomes of it have usually led to falling back into negative thinking. 

It's not only my own words that have bound me.  Words other people have said bind me just as much, whether from a loved one or a complete stranger.  Not all words have to be spoken and not all words spoken have the same tone.  A simple raise of one eyebrow can, at times, say more than words can.  Depending on tone of voice, a person saying "I believe in you" doesn't always project that they truly do.

How do you break free from the chains words bind us in?  How do you find the balance between positive chains and negative chains and how do you find this balance when you have little to no control over the ones formed by your own mind?

Orange Muffin Quest

I've been addicted to the Orange Muffins at Winco for awhile now.  They are seriously delicious.  They are also huge and well, while eating a giant muffin for breakfast is tasty, it's a bit too much.  I found a recipe for Orange Muffins on the internet about a month or so ago.  I thought I would give it a try hoping that I could get my muffin fix for cheaper and in a smaller size.

I made some not long ago and posted the picture on Facebook.  They didn't look very pretty, but they were pretty tasty.  The main problem I had with them is that I overcooked them.  I made them again a couple days ago, watching closely while they baked and they still ended up a little overcooked.  Sigh.  Going to have to try again eventually.

I have to admit these ones turned out prettier this time around. 



If anyone wants to know the recipe, I got it from MeSmash.com ( Website Link ) and I posted it below as well.

Orange Muffin Recipe:
Ingredients:
3/4 Cup Cooking Oil
1 Cup Sugar
2 Eggs
1 1/2 Cup Flour
1 Tsp Salt
1 Tsp Baking Soda
1 Tsp Vanilla
1/4 Cup Fresh Orange Juice
2 Tbsp Grated Orange Rind

Glaze:
1/2 Cup Powdered Sugar
1 Tbsp Orange Juice

Preparation:
Preheat oven to 350F.  Grease muffin pan.  Combine oil, sugar and eggs and mix well.  Add remaining ingredients and blend.  Pour into muffin pan.  Bake 10-15 minutes or until golden brown.  Remove from oven to cool slightly.  For glaze, mix two ingredients together, then drizzle over warm muffins.  (Note: I made a bit more glaze and put a little extra OJ and dunked them)

Cheap DIY Purse Strap

I'm not a purse kind of girl usually.  I have a hard time finding ones I like and an even harder time finding ones that I would actually use.  I can't stand holding something when I'm walking around, shopping, etc; it drives me bonkers not having the use of both hands.  Generally, I carry my wallet and various other things in my pockets, which of course, can make for ugly, bulging pockets depending on what pants I'm wearing.  I have come across a problem with this as I'm wearing pants with less/smaller pockets lately and have been carrying around my camera, which does not fit very nicely in small pockets.  There is only one solution to my problem: buy a purse.  Yuck.

I decided that if I was going to buy one, it would have to be A) cheap since I don't have a lot of money to waste, B) be small enough to not be cumbersome, but large enough to hold the few things I want to put in it, C) have a strap long enough to put over my head and have it hang from one shoulder to the opposite hip comfortably, D) not be so ugly that I'd more than likely leave it at home than bring it.   A, B, and D are fairly easy to find; C, well, not so much...

So the hunt began.  I looked at cheap stores to try to find one that fit the requirements and found a few I liked, but none that had a long enough strap.  I finally decided that I would have to make a ghetto strap and take a hit on the appearance factor.  I went to Goodwill to try to find a cheap purse that would do since I wasn't going to ghetto-out a brand new purse.  I ended up finding one I really liked, was the perfect size, and didn't look like it had been dragged behind a car for twenty miles.  I have to admit that I'm not a 'fashionista' so I have no idea why it has a giant shiny 'A' on it, but I'll pretend it stands for Avaly.  LOL

Onto the strap.  I went to the Dollar Store next to Goodwill and purchased two rolls of ribbon: one a pretty, shimmery purple, and the other a ribbed black.  Then went to Michael's (although if not for a coupon it would have been cheaper to go to Walmart) and purchased Fabri-Tac.  Fabri-Tac is basically permanent fabric glue.  Just dab some on, quickly apply second piece of fabric, smooth out, then wait for it to dry, which it dries quickly.  It's also useful for various other crafts, not just fabric.  I cut the black ribbon in half, then cut the purple ribbon to the size of the black and used the Fabri-Tac to glue it all together, making one, fairly sturdy, slightly wider ribbon.  After it was glued together, I put the ends through the loops on the purse, tucked, and glued it to the backside of the strap.  I have to say, I thought it would turn out quite cheesy looking, but I'm actually very happy with it and it doesn't look out of place.

Here is a picture:





Cost:
Goodwill purse:  $4
Ribbons:  $2
Fabri-Tac:  $5 (but I have nearly the whole bottle left so can be used on other projects)
Having a purse that fits my needs perfectly:  Priceless  (cheesy, I know, but I had to)

Procrastination & Chocolate Banana Bread

I've been wanting to start a blog for some time now.  Just a place where I can post things I like, things I've made, places I've been, and any other randomness that pops into my head.  I am a huge procrastinator though.  I don't generally put off things with the excuse of 'I just don't want to do it right now', but with various reasons as to why I shouldn't do something yet.  Such as, 'my blog should look nice and pretty before I start posting' or 'I can't decide on what to write as a first post'.  I can go on and on, finding things to stop me from doing something.  It can be quite frustrating.  Lol.

To combat my procrastination some, I have decided to just jump in head first and start posting.  I am not sure how often this blog will get updated, procrastinator that I am, but I would like to try doing it fairly often.  As to what's going to be in the blog, well, everything me.  Lol.  I enjoy a lot of different things and I would like to share those things.

The first of those things that I would like to share is my love of cooking.  I really enjoy cooking and while I am a beginner at it, if I have a recipe, I can usually follow it quite well.  I've been venturing out and trying to find various recipes that I can try to make that aren't too terribly expensive, which of course, means a lot of bread and baking recipes in general.  Lol.

For awhile now, my husband has been pestering me to make Banana Bread so I went in search of a recipe for it.  I ended up finding a recipe for Chocolate Banana Bread.  I couldn't help myself, chocolate and banana?  Together?  Yum.  I made this recipe a few days ago (which was actually my second time with this recipe, hehe) from Joy of Baking.com (Recipe Link).

This is how mine turned out:



It is quite good.  I put a little extra banana in it this time around and it's really moist.  I also used white and semi-sweet chocolate chips, which I probably should have used more white and less semi-sweet.  Still, I really enjoyed it.  My hubby however, is picky and I still have to go find a recipe for, in his words, "real banana bread".  Lol!